How to Design a Shared Home That Reflects You Both
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Over the past few weeks, we’ve been discussing what it means to make a house feel like home—how space planning, intentional design, and thoughtful touches can turn even the most ordinary rooms into sanctuaries of comfort and calm.
But what happens when that home isn’t yours alone?
What if the space you’re trying to make your own is shared with a loved one, but you don’t always agree with them?
This is something I see all the time as a designer—couples trying to merge not just their furniture and decor, but their lives, preferences, and histories into one space. And while love may bring people under the same roof, it’s not always easy to make that roof feel like home for both people.
I still remember one client’s quiet words as she stood in the middle of the living room she now shared with her new husband:
“It just doesn’t feel like me anymore.”
And yet, he felt the same.
The truth is, design is emotional. Our spaces reflect more than style—they reflect identity, comfort, control, and compromise. And when couples move in together, whether into a brand-new home or one person’s existing space, those layers often get tested.
The Invisible Weight of an Unbalanced Space
When someone feels like a guest in their own home, even if they love the person they live with, it starts to chip away at the connection.
Maybe she moved into his place and, surrounded by dark leather and sports memorabilia, quietly started to feel like a guest in a home that didn’t reflect her at all.
Maybe he brought his favorite chair, and it’s now tucked away in a corner like an afterthought.
Maybe they’re both trying to build something new, but keep clashing over where to start.
It might seem like it’s “just a couch” or “just a lamp,” but those choices hold weight. They quietly ask, Is there room for me here? Am I seen? Do I belong?
Encouragingly, a survey by ApartmentAdvisor found that 56% of couples reported that living together has strengthened their commitment to their partner, highlighting the potential for shared spaces to enhance relationships when approached thoughtfully. apartmentadvisor.com
So, How Do You Create a Home That Feels Like Both of You?
The answer lies not in compromise alone, but in co-creation. Here are a few of my favorite ways to help couples design a space that celebrates who they are, together:
1. Design a “Neutral Zone” Room Together. Choose a room that feels like a blank slate—maybe a guest room, office, or unused corner. Make this the first space you design as a team. Co-creating it from scratch removes the baggage and lets you build something new.
2. Create a Shared Vision Board. Set aside an evening for what I call a “Pinterest + Pinot” date. No judgment, just curiosity. Pin images, save ideas, and talk through what draws you in. You’ll likely find some surprising overlaps—and a few fun compromises.
3. Color Is Emotional—Choose It Together. Color influences mood. Try blending your tastes: pair bold hues with soft neutrals, or choose a calm backdrop and add individual expression through artwork and accessories. Let the color story be a conversation, not a confrontation.
4. Clear the Emotional Clutter. Decluttering isn't just physical—it's symbolic. Make space for each other by letting go of items that no longer reflect your shared future. Keep a few meaningful pieces from your past, but be intentional about what moves forward with you.
A Final Thought: Your Home Should Be a Reflection, Not a Battle
When both people feel emotionally safe and physically represented in the space, the home becomes a place of rest, creativity, and connection. And that’s the goal—not just a beautiful house, but a beautiful life lived together.
So, if you’re navigating the delicate dance of blending styles and creating shared space, know that there’s hope—and even beauty—in the process.
Have you ever experienced a design disagreement with your partner or had to blend two very different styles?
Drop a comment below—I read every one and would love to know how your journey is unfolding.
